Horse Feathers Happenings

Heart wrenching decisions...

2011-12-21T00:11:39Z

Sometimes in life we have to make decisions and while we are teetering on that fence we feel as though our head will explode, our limbs weak and there is this sick wrenching in our guts. This is one of those days. I feel as though I've been outside myself in a WWE wrestling match, coming out on the rough end, beaten, slung around and aching all over. Mainly my heart.

Being the one in this position to have to make these kinds of life ending decisions is I think the most difficult part of what I do. I can handle the blood, sweat, tears and horse manure. I can handle looking like wrung out crap but having to handle dealing with my heart and mind.. Thats another thing.

Today I had this tight feeling in my chest, this jaw tightening feeling, clenching my teeth as I bit back this overwhelming feeling to throw myself on the floor and sob as I had to stand there signing the "orders" for letting Velvet cross that Rainbow Bridge. I won't get into the blow by blow of her last few days, knowing that she was hurting, that she had hung her head on me and just let me stroke her cheek as IV fluids flowed into her veins then to know that no matter what she was "tired n hurting"is description enough.

What got me today is how sometimes the Creator hears our agony even when we think he doesn't. I remember when I went to the hospital it was dreary and raining outside. Temps were dropping and upon stepping out of my truck I had to grab my jacket. Brrrr my teeth wanted to clatter. It was a moody day. After knowing Velvet was gone, I walked with her blanket tucked in my arms out the front door of the clinic. It hit me as I went down the sidewalk. It was so sunny out. Like the clouds had parted and it was so warm out I had to stop and take my coat off. I looked around me and nothing but warmth. I immediately thought of her. How someway some how she was telling me that she was ok, that all that warmth was sent to me. I shook my head and wondered if I was "nuts". I got in my truck and drove towards home. The closer I got to Guthrie the darkness came, the drizzle came and then it was raining again. I knew then that she had come to give me that hug of warmth to let me know she was ok with what happened.

Several times I have had to endure these situations. Many people do not understand how I feel. I remember awhile back that I had called my uncle up home when I had to make this decision and I was hurting, sobbing. He told me "RT, the only person you have to ask forgiveness from is the horse. No one else. As long as you ask for forgiveness for having to help it cross over then nothing else matters". I believe that somewhere in this spiritual realm that I am forgiven. I must prepare myself for the next spirit that they send me....

October Poker Run

2011-09-14T01:17:46Z

This is our event we are having in October 29th and is co-sponsored by Fort Thunder Harley Davidson.

Poker Run Information

When does it start?

2011-04-12T11:51:00Z

The healing process is a finicky thing. It takes its time, sometimes it speeds up, sometimes it drags along. Sometimes it never comes. I watch it in horses and in humans. I wrote the following when I was in such agony and left it here to work on when my mind and heart could allow itself to feel without shattering all over again. Sometimes we have to do that. Sit things on a shelf in our minds until its able to be opened. Stick it in a container and label it whatever we must and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Today I feel the same about not finding that dream. It has been so elusive. At my finger tips then only to vanish. I ask myself "why" until its a word I don't like to hear anymore. There's never an answer. What do you do to heal from an anguish that rips your soul apart? Do you focus on helping others, finding other small joys in life? Do you reach out to someone else in pain?

2010....

I find myself in anguish today. Wandering like the walking dead. Drained, sad, weepy, and lonely. I woke up this am with this song running in my head..

My Immortal...

"I tried so hard to tell myself that your gone.... Your presence still lingers here and it wont leave me alone, these wounds wont seem to heal, this pain is just too real, there's too much that time wont heal."

We lost a horse that was such a special boy, a spirit, a soul that sets it apart from others...

I feel as though I lost my best friend. Besides my mustang Cookie who is my heart & soul, I can only imagine how I will feel when its her time to leave Mother Earth. I have lost a horse that I saw so much in... He was my buddy, my side stepping companion, he followed me all the time. He made me feel.... safe... I know that doesn't mean much to others but to someone like me who has had her body wracked by a very tall horse to find one that I can walk, talk and be with is infinite.. There are times I wish I could allow others to see the things inside of me that are hiding away, sad, unable to share. So many years ago all my dreams were taken away from me with a horse that I've written about before, Sugar. I remember that day being taken to the show barn to "pick out" a new horse. Pieces of memories come to me, a very tall white Arabian that was trained like none I had seen before at that age. I remember being on his back in the arena and I had found my legs, my wings, my spirit... Then when that all came crashing down I had a piece of me torn away.. Ripped, shredded from my being. All the dreams, hours I spent with a trainer were gone. I as most young girls had waited so long till the very first show I could attend. I could put on my nice new saddle, my show clothes and be like the other girls for once. Whether I won, lost or failed at least I could say I tried. That was not to happen. I didn't touch a horse for many many years....

When I saw Lance being ridden after knowing he was such a joy on the ground I had such hopes and dreams that perhaps not only would he do beautifully in our programs here but that I could for once learn how to ride English. That dreams is buried with him....

I find that even though I walk around daily trying to put a smile on my face that its like plastic, I mold it with my fingers, lock it in place least someone find out that behind that is anguish... I am so glad that all the others are here and not in a bad place.. (unfinished)

October Salute to the Veterans/Military

2010-09-06T01:34:00Z

Well Im trying my hand at adding things on here... So much to learn.. This is our flier for the Work Days this year. We moved it to October and made it a Salute to the Veterans/Military...

Winter Note

2010-01-08T21:50:00Z

I was sitting here thinking about the sadness I carry with me lately as I am getting so many calls or emails about horses in need, suffering, starving, or someone just wants rid of. I get calls or emails about Craigslist ads that have horses who are thin or someone is advertising wanting to send them to Mexico to a death that we all know how it ends. Heartless, cruel.. A new all time low...

I was walking around doing chores and it popped in my head about a line from my favorite movie. "sometimes there just aren't enough rocks".. Forrest Gump.. How true it is. There aren't enough of everything dear Forrest. Money, volunteers, land, compassion, and plain old humanity.

I do my best to help where I can, to help owners find alternate homes from a list of people looking for a specific horse, help guide them on where to save on expenses, network with another rescue and so on. Those who can not keep them or take care of them where can they go? The agony of not being able to help, to turn them away. To not be able to intervene as the law enforcement here IMO honestly don't care, turn a blind eye. What makes a society do this? Why do they walk right on by and not feel indignant. How can they stomach it or lay their heads down at night knowing someone called about an animal in need and they did nothing. Guess I have a ? sense of humanity at this point... Winter has come and brought with it a dreaded sense of not only cold outside but, seeing the cold in other areas of life...

I was going through my DVR and trashing things I have saved, watching some of it and ran across an old program I had of Oprah. Wondered why I had saved it and then came upon my reason.. I found myself sitting here with this huge knot in my throat, wanting to sob my soul onto the floor. To shed all the tears for those animals out there suffering in this arctic frigid weather. For the homeless who are freezing on the curbs, the elderly who have no one who cares if they are cold, to offer them a cup of warm soup.. For those who have no hope, those who are in pain and agony in their spirits....

I also started asking myself, if I was a horse and wrote a note to God, what would it say? Would it ask for forgiveness for all those cruel hearted people out there who do not care? Would it ask that those who I served all those years not throw me away like garbage? Would it beg God to save me before I die in such a merciless way? Would I ask God to watch over my foal while I walk that line to my death? Would I ask God to please bring someone into my life who would just LOVE me? Someone who would feed me and not allow me to starve? Would I ask God to know the warmth of a child's arms around my neck? Would I ask to lay under the sun on green grass and sigh a breath of relief? What would I ask God for? For humanity to stop finding it easy to dispense of me like I was meaningless... To stop taking the mustangs freedom and allow me to roam the plains as my ancestors once did?

Would it ask God why that person dumped me at this place as I run screaming along the fence asking "What did I do so wrong for you to leave me?"

I saw that at an auction, the last one I went to at Bristow. Owner brought in a beautiful black and white paint, 7 yr old. Had him since a baby, the poor horse ran along the pen rails screaming his heart out.. Trying to find a way to get to the man as he walked away.. I heard him tell the guy working there he had him that long. I saw the terror in that horses eyes not knowing why someone who supposedly loved him had abandoned him here for what? A few nickels in his pocket? Some beer money? What? At that moment I knew there was a part of humanity that I hated. Yes, I used the word hate. I saw something that made me so ill I have not gone back there again. I saw a part of myself too that wanted to rip the lungs out of what was supposed to be human... The Kill Buyer would not let us buy him from him and yes, he walked that death sentence that so many do...

On a personal side, what would my note say? Perhaps for the pain in my heart to ease... sometimes there just isnt enough paper to write what my note would say.......

Below is the show and the young woman who sings "Note to God"... Please watch it completely... Then what would your note to God say? Have you a tablet in your heart and what is written on it?

Charice.. Bless you girl for all the heart and soul you put into this song.. May the Creator continue to bring you all your dreams.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4Xd435coD4&feature=related

Fire In Your Eyes

2009-10-07T02:14:00Z

I was sitting here trying to find a way to describe something to others and have them feel, see and sense what I saw.

While I was at the State Fair in September I was out walking Woodrow one night. We walked through the arenas in the back of the barn, just lingering here and there while it was night time, not many people around back there. You can tell that most of the people have dwindled away, heading home after a long day at the fairgrounds. The noises get lower, the midway has shut down and an occasional person can be heard heading off to the parking lot laughing and hooting. Must have been all the beer?

I could see in Woodrow this excitement, his nose flared, his head high and then we came upon another arena where they were moving cattle in and out of pens, chutes and walkways. I walked him over and I stood watching Woodrow. It always amazes me when you take a horse to an environment that they have grown up in after being gone for years. There was this fire in his eyes that you don't see that often. I began to imagine what his life must have been like all those years traveling from rodeo to rodeo, the journeys he must have had. I watched him as he put his nose to the ground sniffing, as he wandered slowly over to the panel to watch the cows come within touching distance. I felt this sadness come over me as I watched him. It reminded me of a strapping young man who had done something in his life, all his life, and then had reached an age where the spirit and the body were on different levels. Watching an elder man sitting in a wheelchair and knowing that once he ran with the wind, had the strength of mighty men. Now, he was sitting there in his Golden Years just watching life go by. Did he have regrets? Did he long so badly to step out of that wheelchair and one more time do something that was so innate in him that he had done for years?

I saw that in Woodrow. The way he shifted from foot to foot, the anxious feeling of "let me in there, its time to go to work". I smiled and had tears in my eyes and I scratched his head and told him "Grampa, your retired from that now" He butted me with his nose in his way of telling me "Kiddo, I'll never be retired so move over". I had to chuckle. I know in his heart that he would do his job till the day he dropped over and the Creator called him home. I, the anxious protector, worry that he would get hurt. I think in some ways it would be me that would hurt more knowing that he was in pain.

I wonder do some people ever look deep enough into their eyes and catch a glimpse of their story. Find out what they have to tell. When was the last time you slowed yourself enough to listen to the elderly and what they had to say? Did you hear a story of long ago? Did they pass onto you their wisdom, their journey before it was gone? Sometimes we are peddling too fast to pay attention. Why not this holiday season take the time to speak to an elderly person. Hear their spirit.. It might just help yours...

Horse Feathers Needs Your Help

2009-09-16T11:31:00Z

It's that time of year where the last of the events are coming to an end and we will be settling in for the winter. With the long winter months ahead we need YOUR help in keeping the horses fed and warm. Vacations from the summer months are over, children are back in school and the holidays are sneaking up on us like a cat chasing a bug.

With the economy like it is we as well as other types of rescues have been hit and some hit hard. I've heard that many rescues have closed their doors permanently due to the lack of funds and various other reasons. We have been working diligently on fundraisers and other avenues to raise money to keep Horse Feathers open as well as to serve the community. We will have another raffle coming up soon that will get posted here and on our forum, but we still need YOUR help.

We are in need of horse 'angels' or sponsors to help care for the horses. Even 10.00 month can help buy feed or pay for supplements. The drought here has created a hay shortage as well as now with the mass rains it has prohibited those from getting in to at least get a last cutting for the year. Many will not be able to as the hay will be at a loss. Prices are going to go up, in some areas they already have. So what we used to pay a nominal fee for will be double if not higher. These issues as well as costs going up on grains is another reason we need help sponsoring these horses, esp those who are in sanctuary.

Would you consider sponsoring a horse here at Horse Feathers? You may visit the website for information on sponsoring or donating to help our General Fund.

As always, the horses thank you for staying in touch and helping to keep them safe.

Front and Center

2009-08-11T22:51:00Z

Well here it is, its August. School is starting for some, others have that last few days reprieve from climbing out of bed and heading off to the classroom. Pretty soon the leaves will be tossing themselves off the trees, the days will shorten and the cool will be in the air. Up to a certain point I look forward to those days. The feeling of preparation for winter. That dreaded season of cold and gloom. The preparations remind me of a bee busy at its hive. stirring things around, squirrels making things ready, putting them all in the proper places. The warm feel of Indian Summer (no pun intended) will be around the corner, pumpkins showing up all over the place, cornstalks placed ceremonially by peoples front doors. We all gather our nuts to store away for a long winter ahead.

We here at the rescue will soon be doing the same. Trying to prepare for a long winter ahead. Gathering our 'nuts' if you will to store up for the horses to get through the long winter months ahead. In some sense my dread has already started with trying to make sure even now that supplies are stored like the squirrel in a tree. We have much needed hay to still get, bags of feeds to place in the loft barn, supplements to stock and many other chores that I wont get done this year. I so wanted to have the hot water heater in and a sink to wash things as well as to soak beet pulp. Seems that isn't going to happen.

With our preparations comes the events we are holding here. I have been working with Nancy on the flyers if anyone wants to print and pass out. We will be at the OK State Fair this year again, the whole season. I look forward to being able to speak to folks about the rescue as well as hopefully get some interested in adopting. So we are welcoming volunteers to help September 17-27th. Next is the Haunted Barn on October 24th. YES, I made sure with the schedules I had that it wasn't in conflict with the OU/OSU games. Following that is our November Work Days. 6-7-8th. Anyone coming from out of town let me know so we can arrange to make sure you have place to stay.

Dec 5th is our Santa 4 Horses... Bring the kids along and a gift for the horses.. We will post that on the website soon.

All that said I would like to encourage those who can to help us to build up our General Fund. My hope is that we can do some of this before the holidays are upon us and people feel the tightness of the belt even further with the economy like it is. I have not had much response in getting people to go to the Affiliates or General Store online. We will keep those up in case anyone wants to visit them. We are always searching for new places to fundraise and get the money coming in to help keep the doors open.

We appreciate all of you who stay involved with us and continue to help us with our efforts.

Not Going There Agin...

2009-06-24T22:38:00Z

Ever have one of those days? I sat there typing all this stuff to add to this and POOF it was like gone. Some sneaky puter monster came in and munched it all away. I was so mad I shut the laptop off and went away from it. So today I am on my main man puter and see if this sticks this time. Whats frustrating is the fact that you cant remember everything you typed in.. For some reason the SAVE thing didn't work. Dunno... So here goes.. I wrote all of this below and was going to pitch it but thought, naw, lets let them see what you were thinking or going through at the time...

Well now that I have the laptop somewhat set up here I can sit in the recliner after surgery and write... Sometimes I lean back and pass out either from the pain meds or from exhaustion due to the surgery itself or therapy I am now going to. So, as much as I like there are times that its better to hit the save button and finish later... Call it a work in progress.

It's been a grueling month so far. I haven't even hit my 4 week mark yet. Surgery was June 1st at a place that, well its a place that I am going to write on here... I will start out with in all my years of having once been in/around the medical field I have never seen such lack of caring as I did at that hospital and lack of patient care. It sure rocked my core as when someone, any human is that far down from 7 hours of laying on surgical table, the feeling of helplessness is overwhelming.. I felt that, total hurt and frustration at how I was treated by the staff there... I would like to start sharing how things went that day and through the week, many have asked so here goes.

Viet and I arrived at Deaconess Hospital in OKC at roughly 0630 and started my check in process. Sitting in a waiting room that was as cold as the Klondikes was making me shake so he went to the car and got me a blanket. After all the paperwork mumbo jumbo was over with I was called back to process for Pre-Op. Anyone who has had surgery knows that this is where the anxiety starts to mount and things seem to spin rather quickly yet seem like they are in slow motion. After changing into my gown, little blue sockies, I started braiding my hair while answering the nurses 20 million questions. Got my IV, guy came to measure me for a brace around my waist and left it with my husband. I wanted to talk to Doc Stanfield so asked them to hold off my pre-op shot (to knock you senseless so your anxiety goes down and prep you for the Big Guns I call it). After speaking to him and kissing my husband goodbye I was rolled into the OR. I barely remember it as I think they were in such a hurry to get me set up, they said that it takes nearly an hour to get a patient set up. Your placed on stomach with a roll under your hips and then your chest to create a slight curve? to the spine. Intubation is is done with tube out the side of your mouth and a mirror on the floor to monitor your face and tube. Lots of good that did them as once I was in my room I found out that the whole thing had torn the side of my face open and large sores were left for weeks. My doctor was not thrilled at all and I do remember he told anethesia to go upstairs and see what they had done to my face. Id like to have been a fly on the wall for that conversation.

I do not remember being placed in my room, I do faintly remember my husband bringing my chocolate milkshake for me drink. I know that my husband left that night at around 10 pm and didnt get back until the next day at 1 pm. I do know that from the time I got in my room until he got there I had not had anything to eat or any water on my bed table. The nurse Helga I will call her, came in that day in my drug induced fog and said to me "When is your family going to get here so they can take care of you?" I remember thinking "I thought that was YOUR job". Needless to say her ability to care for patients is sorly lacking and she should find a job working on mundane things like cars, etc that have no feeling, no heart rate. On top of everything I had a nurse who did NOT know how to do an enema, one of those yucky things that happens with anethesia where the internal organs slow up near to shutting down. More of the solution was all over the bed and me. She was upset that she had to help me change my clothes, didnt even help me get a bath and hung my jammie pants up to dry. Walked out. There were many incidents where they would bring my food tray in and toss it on the stand that goes over the bed. It was at the foot of the bed, I was so tired, in pain or out of it couldnt get it up. When I did try, putting the bed up as far as I could tolerate it was difficult to waddle the wheels up to me and I wound up with the entire food tray in my lap. I managed to take it all and toss it up on the stand and didnt eat. It never failed to amaze me when they would come in and get the tray it was like doing a sneak in to make sure I was asleep when they did or if they did it was so fast that letting them know I didnt eat wasnt a priority to them. Checked it off in the hallway. I know I missed over 6 meals the whole time there. By late Wed I was in tears and called my doctors office. Shortly there was a nurse who came into my room, told the other nurse to leave and the PT at the door to stay in hall and shut the door. She asked me what was wrong and I proceeded to tell it all. When this lady was on shift she took care of me. The rest of the shifts were still the same ole crap but at least two days when this girl was there it was tolerable. I was so glad to get out of there on Friday it was not funny. There are tons of other minor things I would tell but suffice to say that Deaconess Hospital is NOT some place I would want ANY of my family or friends to be a patient at. I have no problems letting them know...

So my surgery is over, I am in rehab to get moving, incision is healing up good and soon I hope to be more back at here at the rescue. Thanking my lucky stars that Melissa and Katie have stepped up to help me as I totally thought that it wouldnt take this long to at least get me to basic care routine. WRONG.... LOL

I am looking forward to doing more writing tho. Now that we are getting the puters worked out and the internet is finally back up with a booster amp to the antenna.. Dang hail storms blew things around...

Fiddle dee dee

2009-05-29T11:54:00Z

Horse Feathers - Home of happy, contented horses........

This photo was posted on my forum.... Here is my reply to it...

hummm. key words... HAPPY and CONTENTED... perhaps safe, not on a truck to slaughter, living in a kill pen awaiting their fate, not laying in a filthy manure/pee ridden stall... many words come to mind when I see a picture like this or think of these guys. Guess when it comes to having some multimillion dollar facility, you know the ones with the huge acres, fancy stalls, fancy riding arenas, we are a 'potty hole' compared to that. Of late I've been 'compared' if you will, to that and words were said by someone at one of those places. I was pretty disgusted when I heard what was said. Guess a place like that wouldn't know the countless hours spent helping a horse come back to its former self after mass starvation or even a reflection of it. They wouldn't know what its like to save a mare who a week later has her baby knowing that in two days she was going to be slaughtered and her baby tossed in a dumpster.. They wouldn't know what its like to save a horse that was injured and the vet wanted to put it down. The countless hours I was out there helping the horse and no one knew about it. I kept it to myself.. The therapy couldn't stop half way through. They wouldn't know the look in a horses eyes when they are so borderline dead and they are pleading with you to help them live... and you do.. I remember the look in Tullie's eyes at the clinic. I could feel her spirit fighting to live. To many of 'those places' the horses are the ones who wind up in facilities such as ours. They are 'disposable' when they can no longer do the eventing or work they are designated to do. They are expendable and the next one comes through the door. Those horses are the eyes that we stare into knowing what their fate is. Those are the horses that we wrap our arms around, our hearts around, and help them to know that there is another way, another life out there. They have purpose. I guess I will get back to feeding and do what I do at my insignificant facility *giggles* knowing that there is another life out there to save. Another horse that may find its forever home with someone who loves it beyond words.. RT (counting her blessings)

The Dark what?

2009-02-21T16:47:00Z

Nite? Night? oh you said Knight..Saw the movie. Own it. I was thinking lately about the character in that movie. The Joker. I was watching the role, played by an awesome actor who apparently is no longer with us. I was musing over the face painted on that 'joker'. The red smile which emphasis' the scars.

I was sitting here thinking about how that relates to some things in life. How whether its a job, position or other role we play there are times we must wear our 'painted smile' and present ourselves in a light of 'respectability' for better lack of words. When inside we are aching to say what we REALLY think or feel about something or someone. Society puts this restriction on us and we have to hold back. I had to laugh as perhaps even that role may drive some to the brink of? Makes me wonder what it was like to play that character in the movie. Having to throw ones self into character and act out this raging insanity yet wear the painted smile. Daily life for some?

Many times I want to take my "smile" off and say what I truly think. I want to look at someone and say things like 'are you REALLY that crazy that you cant see 'that' or 'this'? "What in the world were you thinking or not thinking?" You cant fix stupid.....

So many times I have to bite my tongue and just walk away. I ramble the things in my head until there seems no way to get off the merry-go-round. I just finally have to let it go and walk on. Gritting my teeth the whole way.

Have you ever had those situations? Those times esp when it comes to something very close to your heart, your mind, your being that you have to stop and just 'let go'... How do you handle those times?

How do we handle those times when someone does something to a horse that makes you grit your teeth? Makes you stare in disbelief?

Community Garden

2009-02-11T10:34:00Z

Well I have created a new idea and hope to share it here with all of you.

I have not only been working on the many projects that I do on daily basis and one of those is 'poop patrol'. By that I mean I have been working on waste management (sounds more official than it is) by sharing it with others.. Doesn't that sound nice? Sharing...

Ok, seriously, what I have been lining up is that Community Gardens will be coming to get the lovely stuff to add into their gardens. We, on the other hand will be starting our own Community Garden here at Horse Feathers.

Anyone interested in helping with the garden, planting, tilling, tending to, is welcome to come. By doing this not only are we 'going green' as some like to call it but I would like to feel that we are helping others who come here that can take home from this garden. Any excess will be given to the elderly and the kids can also have a stand to sell veggies... Lots of ideas come to mind as it grows...

What I need are people who want to help get:

plants--tomato, pepper, squash, all sorts of plants or seeds

hoes to work garden

garden rakes

stakes and string

any unused lumber that we can use towards making some boxes for that and also will be working on a compost box.

I am also hoping that a part of this may be done in the old ways called Three Sisters... Corn, Beans and Squash. More on that later.

These are a few..

2009-02-11T10:08:00Z

of my favorite things... sing it with me... oh, your probably sleeping..

There is nothing like being awake at 3:30 in the morning and your main goal is to bathe a dog who got into.... skunk. Yes, I said skunk. Nothing like the lingering odor of that putrid smell not only in the house as you chase him through it to see if he has decided to rub up against something but leashing him and squirting him with the main line of defense... Now that I smell like a garden salad, low cal of course, I find myself sitting here drinking coffee singing this little song.... favvvvorite things.... Dish soap and vinegar.. Wish I had one of those doggie wash things outside the door. Could just toss em in it like a dishtowel, turn it on, hit the refresh button and then let them paddle their way into the house... Happy Happy Joy Joy... naught.

Seems of late the weather is not one of my favorite things.. UP and DOWN... It is meant to drive the human senses to the brink of craziness. Sinuses are either stopped or running. Wind is either blowing or its not. Here in Oklahoma it BLOWS let me tell ya. Makes me yearn for the days of home. We had wind yes but not this dust bowl stuff. I've taken to to wearing a mask outside at times now. I may increase that a lot more when winds blow. I ponder if it would work for the horses so I wouldn't have to stop and feel like I'm dealing with my kids cleaning snotty noses. Remember that one? "hold on let mommie get the buggers out of your nose" "stay still, hold on, almost done" "yuk, don't rub it on me" A pasture full of horses with surgical masks on to keep the stuff out of their noses is a vision..

Ive tried that cute little spray can. Ever seen something like a nettie pot or the spray cans of stuff that you clean your sinuses with? With this stuff in OK you might as well stick a garden hose up your nose... You'd have better luck. I've stood with a can of that stuff spraying and waiting and waiting for it to come trickling out the other side like shown on tv and I think half the can disappeared before I gave up and just blew my nose. Don't know where it went. I wont go into that one.. Suffice to say that in OK you need more than a fancy little nettie pot to cure the sinuses.

It rains or it doesn't. Yesterday was full of storms, reminds me of spring here. People are asking for rain, well you got rain. Boat loads of it. Ever think of how things are either ying or yang? I wonder where the middle is? Are we the middle? How we handle things is the middle? So now this am I have to paddle my way out to feed through the muck and mire. Aftermath. I am only grateful that we did not get anything worse. I pray for those who did. Who have lost their homes, their safety net. Especially in these economic times to have this added to their plate to deal with. This is where people pull together to help one another..

Anyone wanna help bathe a dog on second round?

Dangling the carrot

2009-01-31T11:20:00Z

Note: I am NOT referring to any one particular situation or person when doing my writing. It's just thoughts popping in my head....

Ever think about the carrot on a stick? What it means in its entirety? I was rambling around early this am working on many things in the office when it came in my head about how we all have situations where someone is dangling that carrot on a stick. Be it a job you want, be it that check you really need to make it through, or just some little tidbit at the local store you have your eye on.

How far will you go? Like a horse that someone is dangling a carrot in front of have you ever seen different reactions out of them? How some will sniff the carrot and look at you like..'uhuh, yeah right' then proceed to walk away. Others will stand, front legs locked, neck outstretched and lips just wagging in the air trying to get a slight piece of their mouth on it. Some will bowl you over and ignore the distance and go right for the prize. The carrot. Once gotten they are insatiable. Ever wonder how that relates to people? How our personalities are different, our morals, integrity, our honor?

Some will step back from that carrot and think twice about even snatching the carrot, just walk away their integrity in place. Others will outstretch themselves trying all sorts of ways to wiggle around maintaing their integrity and yet wanting that golden morsel on the end of the stick. Others will walk right through hot coals and not even flinch at the fact they just dropped their honor like it wasn't there to begin with.

Where do you fit in with the carrot? Will you walk away with your honor and integrity or will you stretch yourself to every degree to get what you 'want' not 'need'? Will you bowl someone over to get what you want? I would like to think that I am teaching the children here how to look at what is most important in life. The carrot only lasts till the last bite and is gone. Our integrity, honor and pride is something that can not be taken away. A person can only choose to let someone/something take it.

Time of Bear

2009-01-09T10:15:00Z

I sit here awake at 4:30 am going over many things here on the internet as well as trying to catch up on emails. My heart has been heavy of late with the crossing of Daisy as well as the gloom of winter. I think of Bear. Winter, the North on our sacred circle, the time of healing, closing in upon self to reflect upon the many things that have come to pass. I feel the need to draw into this place and find the healing we all long for.

The body, mind, spirit all must heal in order to continue on. I am much like others, who long to sit in that warm bath, those snuggly warm jammies to just pull my spirit deep down and sleep. Heal. Sleep is where I long to be. Like a bear that pulls herself into 'hibernation' or a time of sleep to burn the fuel stored for winter, prepare for the birth of her cubs, to draw back into that sleep as they contently nurse away waiting for Spring to come. I am the same. I sleep to heal, I sleep to burn away those things left over from the last year, to burn those fat calories (LOL) that I have gained in order to get me through the coldest of days caring for horses. I prepare for the 'new birth' of a New Year and tending to horses, the hearts of children, to create a new beginning. I draw back into the sleep to rest my mind to come alive in Spring with new, fresh and live ideas for Horse Feathers.

I pray each day that we can continue on with all the many things we want to achieve for the horses and the kids program. It has been heavy on my heart as I meet children who are lost, hurting, starving for love. The attention they seek, the kindest word. I see these things before me and I am wondering where all this is taking me on my journey. I see the same in the horses that pass here, that live here. How they 'seek' that love, that kindest word. The memory of Forrest the other day sticks with me. He, even being as crippled as he is, has earned his place in the herd. He would come to stand by me when someone older or larger would come to intimidate him, to lean into 'grammie' for that sense of protection. When I would walk away after it was all over he would stay at my side no matter where I went. When I stopped, he stopped. He would lean up into me and allow me to wrap my arms around his neck and just hold him. I can smell him. I can feel him. I also think he feels my heart as heavy as it was. To let 'mawmaw' know that he is there also. I wonder at him. Marvel at how he can get around like he does, plays with the other boys like he does and even runs like a bat in the wind when he wants.. The spirit of horses is something that I can not seem to find words for. Many have written books on the subject, some have swung from one end of the pendulum to the other on the insights of it. I, feel at a loss for words. To know them is to know ones self. The many aspects of us as humans, our ability to feel, to love, to nurture, to show kindness.

What do you seek in your time of Bear? What part of you would you know by knowing a horse, a child? Where would your journey start this new year?

Year is almost over...

2008-12-27T10:26:00Z

The weather of late has been something difficult to deal with as with wind chills -5 at times I thought my nose was going to fall off. Fingers were froze when I got them wet and the winds pushed you into the next county... I cant thank Joey and Kim enough for bearing with me in those hard few days, battling the cold and getting the horses fed, watered and blanketed. The day after Xmas its going to be 70 degrees today. Makes no sense and people wonder why I get sick.. ahhchew..

With all this weather keeping me inside more I am hoping that I can spend more time here with all of you reflecting on this last year, developing the ideas for next years projects and programs as well as sharing my thoughts on things to come.

I may change the Annual Spring Work Days event date to accommodate some and perhaps we can get a few more people if the weather is wee bit warmer? Id like any thoughts or ideas on that one. I was thinking of going to May perhaps? If not, April will do.

It's been a year of ups and down's here. Watching some get adopted into homes, saddened to see them go yet thrilled that they get a chance at a good life with their own human. Heart broken when we loose one to emaciation, congestive heart failure. One that sticks in my mind like Maddie. Ma'gu was a special horse. She did not deserve what was done to her and for anyone to just let her sit there like that who did not have any horse or rehab experience. Neglected.

I have had the joy of watching the girls grow by leaps and bounds. I see them maturing into these lovely young ladies who are becoming more independent and confident. I am proud of them. They can reduce me to tears in no time quick I tell ya. The warmest hearts you'll ever know.

I've been watching the babies grow that were born with us as well as little Forrest Gump. He is such a love. It never fails to amaze me how he can just keep on going.. We have had so many wonderful volunteers come this year. Some couldnt make it back, some have hung in there. We have had some wonderful events happen here. I miss those times. Esp when Marsh flies in and I get to hear about her recipes, going shopping with her for foods.. We sit an talk about how not only has this rescue grown in what we do here but how all of us have become a 'family'. Kids rolling on the living room floor, squealing through the yard chasing the dogs or just watching them with the horses.

I have been blessed this year with being able to help those who want to come back into horses or get the horse their heart long for. The smiles on their faces is enough for me.. I pray that next year we prosper and we are able to help more people understand and learn to love horses.

What are your dreams for 2009? What are your wishes, your resolutions?

Dreams Reborn..

2008-11-26T11:07:00Z

Many of us have dreams. Thoughts of what we wanted as a child clear to the fruition of adulthood that fulfills our lives on a daily basis. Many of us are either fortunate enough to follow our own dreams or to help others realize theirs... Sometimes those dreams dont come true and we have to find new ones... Have you ever thought what it was like to help another persons dream come true? The sheer joy of bringing that to another with no salutation, no getting anything back.. Just to give....

My memory is of a time and space when there was a horse named Sugar. He was a beautiful, well trained and bred Arabian. Snow white, bright eyes. He was the constant companion of a girl who rode with the wind in her hair. She was as agile on a horse as some are on skis or a surf board. She rode the hills on him, sometimes bareback for miles, thinking of nothing but her life and her dreams. He was her help mate, he was her protector against others who would harm her. They spent constant hours wandering, no destination in sight. Her whistle was all it took to have him come running to her, his head high and ears perked.. Her family life was nothing to smile about. A change in the family situation sent them to another place where after a short period of time Sugar was brought to her. Her anticipation of him getting off that trailer was more than she could bear. Her whistle sent him to his knees crawling out of the trailer under the bar to get to her.. He ran to her.. Her life was complete. She could live without other humans in her life but she could not live without Sugar..

Move far away? again? But what about Sugar? Transport? Ok.. When? Soon as we get there and settle. Where will he stay till then?... many questions....

She got off the school bus that day. Ran to the barn as usual.. Her steps light, her mind was heavy with fear of this new move.. She opens the barn door.. Silence. Where is Sugar? Is he out in the pasture? She cries out for him. Sugar!! The whistle... Silence.. Her heart starts to pound, her mind races, panic, fear, total terror... She runs, and runs and runs.. She goes to the one person who would know.. the 'egg donor' as she is called to her today. Where is Sugar?.... Sugar is gone. She looks about and all her tack is gone too. The new prized, tooled saddle, everything.. gone.. the air locks in her lungs and she cant breathe.. Her mind stops.. She cant think anymore.. devastation sets in.. He is gone.. Everything is gone.. Now she is gone... Everything turns black.. Silence

For many years she stayed gone.. Her life went about her like a walking zombie.. Darkness prevailed. Nothing mattered. Things happened, life happened.. but everything about horses was empty to her.. The many pencil drawings went to the trash, it was too much to look at even an image of a horse.

Scrolling to the present it has come to pass through many different avenues to be revealed later that she came back to horses. Her ability to watch those who were just like her have that same dream. Can I be a channel to help that same dream present itself and stay? Currently I made a decision to help someone get a horse that they have ridden for many years at camp and to board it here. I watch this young lady and am reminded of myself. I could sense her anxiety at not knowing what to do to save this horse who had become a part of her heart, her dream. They are truly bonded. HIs age would have sent him to a place that no one wants to think of. I wonder what it would have been like to have had the same opportunity for Sugar. Now as an adult I know where he went. To a life of hell and I truly don't care to reminisce in it. If I had been allowed to participate in his daily care, to pay for his supplies by working odd jobs and then volunteering where he was boarded in exchange for him being in my life. What dreams of mine would have been fulfilled? How many different paths would I have taken in life?

It is something that giving does. It chips away at the many things in us and frees us to be closer to the Creator. It is about letting go.

How will you let go? Where will you give to another be it human or animal? How will you make your own dreams come true or help another achieve theirs?

Winter Warfare...

2008-11-24T17:45:00Z

Sounds kinda drastic huh? Well, thats what it feels like at times when you have to button up to your eyeballs, wrap your toes in 3 pairs socks and walk like a stick doll to the barn to do your chores when its blowing 30 mph winds, wind chillls are in the teens, snow might be flying or ice is banging the tree limbs.. Dragging your feet because your carrying #20 of extra weight... Sounds exhausting to me and it is...

My reason for writing this is to put into your minds if there is any way any of you can pull together some resources to help the kids and volunteers here get through the blasted cold months ahead.

We have hand warmers left over from last year thanks to a wonderful, generous donor. We have (mens) large size gloves and mediums, lined. What we need are small size- ladies small like or childrens warm gloves to work in the barn. We truly need something that you can move your fingers in to work. Some gloves are so stiff that you cant bend your fingers around things--manure forks, hose, bucket handles, etc.

Im not asking for anything expensive, just something that can be utilized. Even liners for other gloves if need be.

We go through so many gloves and other things here that we have had a donor give us two chest drawers to put things in so the volunteers can pull something out if needed. Many times I have had parents drop off kids for community service and they are not dressed at all for the weather let alone barn chores. I am always digging to find a sweatshirt, warm jacket, gloves, hat, something to keep that poor child from freezing. With the "Clothes Closet" we can have some things on hand, left here, washed & sanitized by me, to be ready for the next person who comes in need.

Here are two examples of what we are looking for:

Kids sizes and the ladies are for the teenage girls who come in to help as they cant fit the kids sizes anymore.

http://www.west-chester.net/ProductDetail.aspx?pid=1433&mid=2

http://www.west-chester.net/ProductDetail.aspx?pid=1430&mid=2

We are also looking for small amounts of the following:

sweatshirts

thermal shirts

knit hats

coveralls--bibbed or otherwise

winter boots that are waterproof

Any help you can give this season to help all of them get through with helping here is much appreciated. You never know what extras someone has lying around, second hand stores or other places that might have them to donate. Feel free to post to others what our needs are.

Handing each of you a warm cup of cocoa and a smile...

Jingle Bells?

2008-11-11T12:58:00Z

ugh.. I woke up this am and realized that guess what? Winter is coming... Bout time I got with it huh? Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I keep trying to put it off like as if the longer I do that perhaps it may not come? Or at least not as bad.. Reality jolts me as my feet hit the slippers, my big fluffy ones, and I paddle to the coffee pot. Chilly in here.

It wasn't even Halloween and the stores were bouncing boxes out of Holiday decorations for Christmas.. I drove Marsh to the airport yesterday and they were already putting those things up around the light poles with greenery and red/gold bows.. sigh.. Its not even Thanksgiving...

As you can tell I am not a fan of winter. I see the commercials of folks out skiing and sled riding. I remember the days of doing that and wonder where the joy of it went? Perhaps it went with age and lack of tolerance for the COLD..... Finally I prepare my mind by reminding myself that 'it wont last forever' and begin to make the necessary arrangements to do my daily chores. Pull out the bags of gloves, hats, warm coats.. You can see the aftermath of last years work when you open a bag and its mostly left hand gloves... I laugh..

All this brings me to our Santa 4 Horses to help the horses get through the holiday season and into the next year. We have now a flyer that we will put on the website under Information Flyers for our Angel Tree. You can angel a horse for $5.00 to help towards grain, hay, supplements, farrier, etc... If you are local you can get your picture taken with the horse of your choice (once the camera gets here hopefully for the Xmas party) and that will help the horses also. Winter from what I am hearing from others and the 'almanac' is going to be a bad one this year. We have grown accustomed to the mild winters and this one is going to give us all a wake up call I believe. We are preparing the blankets here, checking sizes, trying to finish winterizing things. I will later give a list of any important needs.

Our next project will be the excavation to stop the water from running into the barn. The company to do the work will be meeting with me sometime this week to set a start date. While we work on that our primary need is to get busy putting in more shelters out in the pasture. This work weekend we got a TON of things cleaned up, brush cleared and now we are ready to finish the fence line and get the roofs on the shelters we already have in place. If anyone wants to make a donation to "Shelter the Horses" fund please know that will help get the lumber needed to start those projects.

As you all make your plans for the turkey and trimmings, the travel to and fro for your family visits we here at Horse Feathers wish you all the best. Time will be short for many now that things are gearing up for those holidays and we hope that you will find time to remember the horses here and still visit our forum and blog... me I will be nestling in with hot tea and preparing my mind to write here when the days turn very cold. Putting up firewood, making things cozy and keeping a close eye on the horses...

Can I keep him maw maw, can I? huh?

2008-10-28T20:24:00Z

Amazes me the way horses are sometimes. If you watch closely you can see tendencies that creep out and show us just how they think, feel.

My son had to bring his horse here for a period of time. Many places I hear of are either shutting down due to the economy, people are tossing out boarders, they are taking back their land leases in order to sell off for cash, etc. I even get calls from people worried about what to do with their horses with all the craziness in the economy.

We brought "Gold Wing" here to visit for awhile and he is like a lost pup. He wandered here n there on the house side, no one wanted him around. Dale ran him off, Velvet is her prissy self and made it known not to follow her and her man Dale around. Poor Lady, the mini made him feel at home while he was on this side. Odd watching a mini try to groom with a 2 yr old QH. Barely could reach his neck to screetch screeth...

My thinking was that he could go play on the one side with the other 2-3 yr olds, you know how boys are.. Like to gang together and make mischief. Guess it was like the new kid coming into the school. Peanut wanted to show his slick hair and knuckles, Lodge decided there was someone else lower on the totem who he could kick around and bully, Spring decided he was a waste of time unless too close and wanted to herd him for 'gramma' to go through another gate. So, that left one option of putting him in with the 'other crowd'. Winger wandered a bit and then Midaha, Felony, JR and Forrest noticed that there was a new kid in the school yard. Cute to watch the differences with the age levels. Midaha decided he was worth sniffing out and even tasting to see if it was alive. JR kind looked him over, Forrest decided if he wanted to hang, he could hang and walked off to eat hay. Felony... Well... Felony is a different kinda horse. I was watching him with Winger who is much taller than him. I had to stop walking and laugh to myself as all these weird conversations started rolling through my head as I watched this interaction.

"Hey buddy, where you from?"

"Wats yer name?" Mines, Fela nee

"Wanna come check out the pile?" (hay)

"sniff, sniff.. You smeel different. Must be that stuff they put in your hair"

Suddenly Felony turns his head to look at me and I could swear the words were in the air as much as I could have spoken them..

"Can I keep him maw maw? Can I? huh?" He will play with me, he aint kickin me around.. I'll take him for a walk.

And off they walk together..